When the main character in a story isn’t interesting and rather annoying, you have a problem.

This is the issue I faced upon reading the first Twilight book–as I began reading I noticed that I made no connection whatsoever with the main character. She seemed rather whiny and kind of bland and uninteresting–she even described herself as such. It’s rather difficult to read a story in the perspective of a person who thinks they have no interesting features what’s so ever. I mean, isn’t that what reading fiction about–interesting people doing interesting things for interesting reasons? Those first couple pages and first few chapters were hard to get through–I found myself grasping at straws, trying hang in there, because as I’d been told, it got better, and I just needed to hang in there and ait, and the good bit was coming. And then it became “Oh, well Twilight’s not the best book, but you’ll love New Moon.” That morphed into “Eclipse is way better than the first two books!”, before people became rather split on Breaking Dawn.

Through all four of those novels, the one harrowing, difficult thing remains isn’t Edward Cullen’s obsessive douchiness (though that’s a tough one, believe me)–it’s the fact that Isabella Swan doesn’t change. She’s as bland and uninspiring in Twilight as she is in Breaking Dawn, and more than any other character in the books, her progression as a character stays as still and stagnant as ever.

Change is an essential part of writing any novel. This is ultimately what compells us to read books in the first place–we want to observe those characters as they change and become better or even worse people. It’s the thing that keeps us reading and keeps us hooked throughout the narrative. It’s called the Hero’s Journey for a reason–the character has to start in one place and end up in another. Even in book series, characters are ever changing, ever evolving people. This is the opposite of TV shows, where a simple thing like a haircut can destroy you and start you down a long line of increasingly awesome but ultimately cancelled TV shows.

Over the course of four books, Bella Swan doesn’t change at all. She starts off plain and uninteresting and continues to be so until Breaking Dawn. There is no growth in the character–she exist merely to tell the story.

There’s a term that comes from the world of fanfiction called a Mary Sue. A Mary Sue is someone that lacks flaws, spontaneously grows abilities and in general serves as wish-fulfillment either for the person writing or the people reading it. They’re often plain with no distiguishable features (brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin), consider themselves to be outcast (ahem ahem), have issues with their parents that they also happen to be smarter than (ahem ahem ahem)…you see where I’m going with this.

Bella goes beyond being your average Mary Sue, though, and just becomes a character that’s…well, plain badly written. Upon arriving in Forks, on her first day she is practically accosted by an onslaught of boys that wants them. I know that books craft a somewhat idealized vision f the world, but plain, indistinguishable, boring girls don’t attention thrown upon them on their first day. It sucks, but that’s the plain truth. What’s striking is that Bella spends the first few chapters talking about how she had no friends back home and how she’s leaving nothing but her mom and stepdad behind (in which case, I don’t understand why she’s so sad about leaving Arizona to begin with), but the second she comes to school, she has an onslaught of friends, all of whom she doesn’t seem to want.

Lonely. People. Want. Friends. Unless you’re a sociapath. But Bella is so much smarter and more mature than them, hence why all the friends who are practically heaved at her in the first few chapters of the book are instantly treated like unwanted trespassers on her life.

This plain, uninteresting girl is also almost instantly pursued by a bloodthirsty, half crazed vampire. This is where the real problems begin to come into play, and it becomes clear that Bella is something beyond a Mary Sue. At least Mary Sue’s, as annoying as they may be, ultimately live up to some kind of life goal, and are the heroes of their stories.

From the first time Bella meets Edward, Bella shifts into damsel mode and never comes out of it. Her every whim, desire, and need has to deal with Edward, and she’d be nothing without Edward, and she loves Edward within ten minutes of knowing him.

Anyone claiming that Bella is a feminist character needs to redefinie their definition of feminist, and do it ten minutes ago. Bella is no feminist–she constantly, CONSTANTLY relies on the other people around her to save her. I can’t recall a single situation that Bella escapes by herself with the aid of Edward, Jacob, or someone else. She is quite literally carried–CARRIED, dammit–around because she can’t be trusted to not fall and split herself open. This a girl who jumps off a cliff to get the attention of her boyfriend.

Why, why is Bella looked at as a feminist? Why is this girl who is plain, ordinary, boring and in constant need of assistance and rescue the second most recognizable protagonist in YA next to Harry effin’ Potter?

I think my Twitter friend and fellow writer Emily Hainsworth kind of said it best, even though it was mostly in jest.

“Emily_YA: Bella was ok for comic relief, but I wouldn’t say I LIKED her. Maybe thought *I* would make a better Bella? LOL”

I do think there’s some truth to this joke. We all like to say we’d do something differently than someone else did. Isn’t that the whole point of horror movies? “WHY DID THEY RUN UPSTAIRS! YOU DON’T RUN UPSTAIRS! I WOULD NEVER RUN UPSTAIRS!”, or the ever so popular, “Man, fuck dat shit, I’d just punch the homicidal maniac in the face!”.

I think people like to think they’d do things differently than Bella. She’s a blank slate, an empty shell onto which we project our own thoughts. Girls think “if were Bella I’d do this differently”, which might be good.

My problems with Bella are less plentiful, but that’s because there’s less to hate. She’s not fully fleshed out and fully formed. Her treatment of those around her that don’t sparkle is cold at best and bitch at worse. She toys with Jacob Black throughout New Moon, fully acknowleding that she doesn’t and probably won’t love Jacob, because her love for Edward soprings eternal This is negated almost immediately when Jacob becomes something of a raging dick and practically forces himself on Bella. At first she’s disgusted. Then after being disgusted, she randomly decides that she must be in love with Jacob. She follows this up by not being able to be in love with Jacob because she’s too in love with Edward. Bella then sires a child specifically so Jacob can have someone to love.

There’s less problems with Bella because there’s less to love–she has practically very little personality, and the personality she does display is that of a needy, helpless, impossibly devoted girl. A girl who, despite being all those things, is loved unanimously by almost everyone. Without question. It’s annoying to read a protagonist with no faults, and more annoying that Bella is being touted as a feminist role model just because she just so happens to be female. It’s like saying Edward’s a good role model for young boys just because he’s happens to have a penis.

And here we end another rant on Twilight. And yes, I have more to rant about. I have many rants to rant about many things.

KC